I hate banks. I really, really hate them.

Despite their laughable promise to open a bank account within five working days, Abbey have been sitting on my business bank account application.

Having sent them the requisite sheaf of signed forms, copy of passport, driving license, and liver biopsy, I've heard nothing back.

Today I phoned them, spent twenty minutes paying for the privilege of being told that I was being moved up the queue¹, that they were "all helping other customers at the moment", ho ho, and listening to some badly distorted naff elevator music, I was put through to an uncouth mollusc who tells me that I need to get Companies House to send me a copy of form 288A to send to them to send to their credit reference agency to prove that I'm a director of the company. He also interrupted me almost as often as the automated message had interrupted the ghastly muzak.

He couldn't tell me why they couldn't get this themselves, just that it wasn't their job or the credit reference agencies job to do the run-around. So apparently I have to go out of my way to ensure that their credit is secure - even though I don't want any credit facilities.

Lovely. In the unlikely event that all business banks are not as incompetent as each other, perhaps someone can point me in the direction of a good one. I've a nasty feeling I might need it soon. I'd pull out now and try another, but I can't face another go at the pile of paperwork that I had to do to apply for the thing in the first place...

¹All I care about is my position in the queue, but they never tell you this. Possibly because it would be so depressing. "You are customer number 347 in a queue of 507. Only attrition due to natural causes will move you any closer to the front of the queue."